Ok. So this may be controversial to many people but I truly believe that Grease 2 is one of the greatest movies of all time. Ever. I don’t just mean better than Grease (although it evidently is way better than its predecessor) but better than most movies. By this I don’t mean that it is a technically brilliant film without laws or that the acting is in any way shape or form any good but it is one of those films, which for me, is just perfection. Here are the things that I learnt from watching Grease 2 and the many reasons why I love this movie.
1) I have learnt that singing the hearty chorus of Back to School will make you hate your employees if you work in a school but it will make going back after six week of being off for the summer that little bit more bearable. That “the board of education took away my parole” was the first reason that I decided that I had to hate “the man” – one could even argue that this is a political movie.
2) Not only is Grease 2 entertaining but it is educational too. My introduction into sex education came from the song Reproduction, and I learnt the grammatical rule for whom – “To who, to whom. To you that’s whom.” I also learnt that “certainer” isn’t a word but that more certain is the adequate way to quantify the word.
3) The correct way to intimidate rival gangs is to pull mean faces and to comb your hair.
4) Bowling is a euphemism for sex. Yes, nothing is sexier than rental shoes.
5) A girl who bowls whilst wearing gold lamée leggings can cause a case of nymphoidmania to horny teenage boys. However, bowling without putting your fingers in the bowling ball holes will save the girl from breaking her nails.
6) Talking about comic books with popular girls will probably not make them fall in love with you but if you pretend to be something that you are not AKA a Cool Rider you will probably win her heart…but leave the superhero talk for when you get to know each other better.
7) All earthquakes are caused by Biker Boys. You’re gonna know it when he gets there because the ground…it will be shaking.
8) Anyone who plays a red hot accordion probably won’t win a talent show.
9) I also learnt that unless you are in one of the two cool gangs in school you are going to get a shockingly bad set design for your talent show. I’ve also learnt that you can be in a motorcycle or be a motorcycle gang bangers girlfriend but no rival gang will mess with you about being in a talent show.
10) Even if you have a mental breakdown on stage and ruin your girl group’s song and essentially their chances to win a talent competition, there is no need to fret. You will still win the competition…mainly because your teachers will fear gang related rioting. Let me explain…
Ok, in the pivotal scene of Grease 2, Stephanie Zinoni waits outside the school on the night of the talent show for her Cool Rider whose name she still doesn’t know and whom she still hasn’t guessed is actually the geeky exchange student from England, Michael Carrington – mainly due to his new devil in skin tight leathers look, motorbike and safety goggles.
As he approaches Rydal High the T-Birds see him and threaten that this time they are going to get him. They give chase and Stephanie grabs the Pink Ladies who then start following the T-Birds. Whilst in the car following the T-Birds, Pink Lady Sharon worries that she will die wearing her mother’s underwear. Wearing your mother’s underwear is never acceptable.
Sadly, Michael Carrington AKA The Cool Rider is driven off the road into a dangerous ditch believed never to be seen again. Paulette tries to reassure Stephanie that Mr Cool Rider will be ok because he jumped over a car at the Bowl-A-Rama and that was a really big jump.
We get to see a few acts on the talent show that all have demonstrably crap sets but when the T-Birds perform they blow the audience away with the mediocre and misogynist song. But wait, don’t hand over that prize just yet. The girls, lead by the Pink Ladies own Sharon, perform A Girl for All Seasons. This should have been the winning performance. However, midway through the song Stephanie Zinoni (who is the girl for December and is currently dressed as a Christmas tree) is overcome with grief and stops singing mid-song. Seemingly she has forgotten the words. The shock of the sudden (and supposed) death of the Cool Rider has sent her into a musical catatonia and the chanteuse breaks out into her own song – (Love Will) Turn Back the Hands of Time.
Ok, so I know this should anger me because in theory A Girl for All Seasons is still playing but Stephanie Zinoni is now singing her own song. Oh but it gets much worse because halfway through the song Stephanie stops singing. It turns out her song is in fact a duet with the believed to be deceased Cool Rider. So besides singing a different song to the wrong tune with a dead guy, they both stop and talk through the song and then to top it all off Stephanie takes the star on top of her Christmas tree ensemble and it flies out into the audience.
If you think it can’t get any worse well then you would be wrong because despite all these flaws in performance the Pink Ladies (plus surplus movie extras) and the T-Birds both win the competition. Only in a musical would this plausibly happen.
Quite clearly you can see that I know that this is unrealistic yet I still find it much more believable than the final scene of Grease when the car, known as Grease Lightning, flies. My reason for this is because Grease was set in 1959. The Russians had only sent Sputnik into orbit two years earlier so there is no way that a high school mechanics class could have created an aerodynamic car.
So yes, these are the things that I have learnt from Grease 2 and why I think you should love this movie as much as I do.